Thursday, January 19, 2012

Be master of mind rather than mastered by mind

I've hated my mind for the last few weeks. WHY? you might ask. Simply because it is playing the most annoying games ever...

Since I'm in the middle of my Senior year, I have to make many decisions about my future. And I just can't do it. I'm changing my mind all the time and I have no idea about what I'm gonna do after I graduate. Besides whenever I figure something, I talk myself out of it.

I have to take 4 obligate exams. 3 of them are known - Math, Latvian, English. For 4th I chose Russian. I have no idea why, but I did. Not that I'm not good at it, I am, but I don't think I'm that good to take an exam in it. But I guess I'll have to study hard ;D 

The biggest issue I'm having is not knowing what to do after high school. One day I totally concentrated on it and I spent hours searching for colleges all over the world. But whenever I found something interesting, I had no problem figuring out why it wasn't right for me.

For example, 

Since I'm good with languages, working with people and I like travelling, I found a college in the UK where I could study Travel and Tourism Management. For me, this sounds interesting. But as I was looking through it, I started thinking sooo many stupid thoughts... - What if I'm not good at it? What if I end up working for some small hotel where only few people go? What if I don't like it ?

So as interesting as this sounds, I convinced myself that it is not for me. So I kept looking. Then I found something else - Business, Travel and Tourism, Event management... I found so many interesting stuff... But my mind totally messed everything up. Each time I wondered - Is that what I really want?

But that's not all... As I was thinking about all this, some completely different stuff came in my mind. I started thinking wider.  I really want to study abroad, but that means I'll have to move away from my friends, family, my comfort and safety. So what if I move far away, go to college and end up all alone? What if I don't make any friends, what if people don't like me? What if I completely fail with my studies?  

And when my head was filled with all these stupid questions, I simply turned off the computer and started crying. I don't cry usually over something like this, but it really got me that day... Besides, the fact that most of my classmates already know what they are going to do after high school, makes me feel like a total loser. Cause I will take a gap year to figure out what is it that I really want...


Thankfully I have my happy jar. Thanks to that I can put a smile on every day before I go to school...

Am I the only one who's mind is messing with everything, or are there others? Cause I need help! :(

-B- 

10 comments:

  1. All the what ifs can come to mind, but if you keep asking what if you never get things done. So just dive in and take your mind to take a hike sometimes.

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  2. Studying abroad must be awesome. :3

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  3. I can't understand how anyone can really know what they want to do in life until they see what it has to offer. Can you take general courses & declare your major later?

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  4. When the RIGHT descion comes to mind you'll know believe me.

    Thanks for the visit and the comment. much appreciated.

    Yvonne.

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  5. Everyone gets a case of the what ifs, it's called weighing up your options. Make a decision and stick with it. You will still worry about the decision you have made but things are never as bad as you think they will be.

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  6. You are AMAZiNG, WONDERFUL, SWEET, BEAUTIFUL! I hope someday you'll realize how awesome you are. Whatever you decide to do, I know it'll be the right choice and you'll be a success.

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  7. Ah my little friend. Tony has a good point. Jump in. You will be scared. You will rethink your decision but guess what? If you do something for a while and hate it you try something else. Fear is your worst enemy.
    I had to leave all my family and friends in Europe to come study in America. It was hard and scary, but I'm so glad I took that leap of faith. I changed my mind three times my freshmen year of college.
    It will be ok. Just breath. Traveling is your thing as well as languages. Try being an airline stewardess or something along those lines.

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  8. Dear Baiba,
    Not to act is to act. That is, when you do nothing, nothing happens. So I encourage you to take that gap year and to explore. Along the way, you'll meet new experiences and new people. As that happens, you'll become more aware of what it is you want to do the next year. Most decisions aren't set in concrete. They aren't forever. You can change your mind. One step at a time makes life.

    Peace.

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  9. thanks you all for your super sweet comments :) I already feel better :) you are all so awesome :)

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  10. RUSSIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! really??????????

    Since you are good with languages why don't you think about interpreting/

    Whatever, you end up doing it will probably be something totally unexpected.
    Most people your age don't have any idea and If they THINK they do then they probably wind up 5-10 years later doing something totally different.

    Just relax, kiddo. You need to tape a mantra on your mirror that says something like....I am an attractive, smart, energenic, and determined individual who will do well at anything I try.....you get the idea. Then read the mantra to yourself every time your mirror.

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