I've hated my mind for the last few weeks. WHY? you might ask. Simply because it is playing the most annoying games ever...
Since I'm in the middle of my Senior year, I have to make many decisions about my future. And I just can't do it. I'm changing my mind all the time and I have no idea about what I'm gonna do after I graduate. Besides whenever I figure something, I talk myself out of it.
I have to take 4 obligate exams. 3 of them are known - Math, Latvian, English. For 4th I chose Russian. I have no idea why, but I did. Not that I'm not good at it, I am, but I don't think I'm that good to take an exam in it. But I guess I'll have to study hard ;D
The biggest issue I'm having is not knowing what to do after high school. One day I totally concentrated on it and I spent hours searching for colleges all over the world. But whenever I found something interesting, I had no problem figuring out why it wasn't right for me.
Since I'm good with languages, working with people and I like travelling, I found a college in the UK where I could study Travel and Tourism Management. For me, this sounds interesting. But as I was looking through it, I started thinking sooo many stupid thoughts... - What if I'm not good at it? What if I end up working for some small hotel where only few people go? What if I don't like it ?
So as interesting as this sounds, I convinced myself that it is not for me. So I kept looking. Then I found something else - Business, Travel and Tourism, Event management... I found so many interesting stuff... But my mind totally messed everything up. Each time I wondered - Is that what I really want?
But that's not all... As I was thinking about all this, some completely different stuff came in my mind. I started thinking wider. I really want to study abroad, but that means I'll have to move away from my friends, family, my comfort and safety. So what if I move far away, go to college and end up all alone? What if I don't make any friends, what if people don't like me? What if I completely fail with my studies?
And when my head was filled with all these stupid questions, I simply turned off the computer and started crying. I don't cry usually over something like this, but it really got me that day... Besides, the fact that most of my classmates already know what they are going to do after high school, makes me feel like a total loser. Cause I will take a gap year to figure out what is it that I really want...
Thankfully I have my happy jar. Thanks to that I can put a smile on every day before I go to school...
Am I the only one who's mind is messing with everything, or are there others? Cause I need help! :(