Sunday, August 7, 2011

How I lost my best friend

To let you completely understand everything, I have to give you a back story and a back-back story ;D

The back-back story is short. I’ve never been the most thin girl…but I’m trying to live with it. Although it is hard, because it seems that it bothers other people. I don’t know why though, cause it doesn’t bother me that they are thin, so…who knows… Until the age of 13 or something, I have been called so many names, I could write a book full with them.  I had like few friends but I was never a part of some clique. I was always by myself.

So now the back story. Everything changed when I was in 8th grade. I don’t know how, but I suddenly had many friends, and people actually liked me. All the cool kids wanted to hang with me and we became friends. I never joined there clique though. For me – I wasn’t then and even now I’m not in any of those. Why? You might ask…It’s simple. I am and always will be myself. I’ve been called in so many names, why should I add one more? The cool kid, the geek, the…whatever…I don’t need it. So now I’m simply myself. I hang and get well with everybody and I’m glad I’m not part of any of the cliques. And it seems right.

So at that time it was so cool for girls my age to have a best friend. And the great part was that I had one too. We were best friends for two years and everything was so perfect. HOW DO YOU KNOW SHE WAS REALLY YOUR BEST FRIEND? You might ask. Well, It’s simple. You know, when the silence between you is not awkward. And that’s how I felt. We were like one soul in two bodies :) we liked the same music, the same things, we were always hanging out, laughing, telling secrets,knowing we could trust each other, and sometimes, we could just sit in silence and it was not awkward. No words were necessary. (sounds like a love story, right? Lol ;D )

So anyway, those two years were perfect. I was so happy I had found my best friend. And then came the 9th grade graduation. The coolest guy in class invited both of us to his party. His parents owns a cafe/bar and all the cool kids from school and neighborhood were invited so we were super excited to be a part of that.

And then comes the part where I’ll tell you about the one thing I really really regret in my life.

Since we were 15,and everyone was young and crazy and loved to party, and there were no parents, we were drinking alcohol. And because I’ve never partied with all the cool kids before, I thought it was so cool to drink and party. And so I did. I’m not gonna lie – I’ve been drinking before but NEVER like that… I was drinking everything anyone gave me so soon enough I got really really drunk. First I fell asleep in the toilet. Then on the couch… I was a mess.

My loving parents, trusting me with being a young adult, told me I can party til 5 am. (they thought I was in prom)
Later, I don’t know why, but I left the party thinking I was going home. But I didn’t get there. It was raining, and I was really drunk and I sat down next to the local store. And I fell asleep.

(It is so hard to tell this, because it is the most embarrassing thing in my life.) I woke up in my dads car when he was driving me home. Turns out I had been sleeping there for three hours. It was 9 am when my dad found me sleeping there and took me home. I was wet, drunk, with puke all over my clothes and hair. When I entered my house, my mom was crying and yelling at me and…it was so terrible. I just went in bed crying…

After few hours I got up and discovered something more. I had lost my purse with my wallet and cell phone in it. But I did find it. Turns out I had left it at the bar…

I survived my worst day in my life. But the next day wasn’t any better. My best friend called me and we talked about everything that happened because obviously I didn’t remember anything… She told me how I was drinking and everything else… but then she got to the part that hurt me so bad…I will never forget it.

„So, about 6 am you left the party.You told me you were going home. ” she said. „At about 7 am my dad picked me up and we were driving home.” And here’s the best/worst part „. I saw you sleeping next to the store, BUT DON’T WORRY, MY DAD DIDN’T SEE YOU.”

How awesome was that? She was more worried about what her dad would think if he had saw me, than worried about me, sleeping there in rain, drunk, where police could have picked me up any time. And she didn’t even felt sorry for that. The one time I really needed her, she left me alone.

It's weird now. We are still friends, and the sad part is that the silence between us still isn't awkward. We talk about everything and laugh together.But it's not like it used to be.

I regret everything I did that night, but my biggest regret is putting my family through all this. They didn't deserve it. And I'm truly sorry about that. 

So that is how I lost my best friend. :( since then, such term doesn’t exist for me anymore. It’s just not worth it.


Have you ever lost dear friend?
-B- 

Here's a picture of us in Paris. (Good times)

23 comments:

  1. Cute blog :)

    http://chicgeekblogger.blogspot.com/

    Please take a minute to look at my trunkshow;

    http://iouproject.com/tsh/jessica-karen/

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  2. I've sat where you are sitting in that picture a 100x's lol
    As for your question. Yes I have. I was friends with a girl for 10 years and had to call it quits because she was letting her husband beat her kids. I still miss her but I couldn't stand by and love the kids and act like I didn't see it. I broke my heart. As for your partying, your parents were probably more concerned about your safety than your partying. You are a dear sweet girl. I saw your pictures. I don't think your big at all. In fact my Meaghan is built very similar to you and I tell her all the time she is beautiful just like you are sweet girl.

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  3. Wow--powerful post. I can't believe she didn't stop and get you. I wonder what she was thinking?
    I had a similar experience (with a friend letting me down). It's hard realizing when someone is different than you'd expect.

    As far as the drinking, don't feel bad. Everyone makes mistakes and if you've never drank like that before--you had no idea. I remember finding one of my friends drunk in the snow, under a car when we were in highschool. I'm glad she was okay and we laugh about it now.

    It took guts to post this. I'm so proud of you.

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  4. I knew you were a star girl like me! lol I'm hoping you get some traffic from my blog today. You keep writing sweet girl! You are doing great!

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  5. Jessica thanks :)

    Melynda it's funny how you grew up in France and saw all these amazing things every day but for me it was breath taking trip to the promised land ;DD For you Paris is probably a hometown, for me it's a fairytale ;D

    Elisa thanks :) and yeah, I can't believe she did that too. Who knows what she was thinking.

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  6. I feel so bad for the girl that was drunk in the rain by the store. You shouldn't be too hard on yourself and while I can't agree with the way your friend handled the situation , I think she was more guilty of being immature than anything else.

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  7. Kid, you are being too hard on your friend. She made an error of judgement but if she is your best friend you should forgive her for that. By all means tell her you are unhappy about it but don't end your friendship because of it. I have 4 best friends that I have known for 40 years and we have all made mistakes and had the odd fall out but I wouldn't lose them for the world. Think about it.

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  8. Melynda sent me & I'm glad she did. You have very deep thoughts for a high school girl & you express them beautifully. I WILL be back.

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  9. "Take On Me..." used to be one of my very favorite songs.....

    Ahhhh, sweetie....If she was your best friend you should have considered that at 15 this young girl did what most 15 year old girls would do. Teenagers aren't exactly known for making good decisions. If you were (or are) her best friend then you need to let this go and forgive her.

    Sorry, but I didn't mean to get preachy. You just bring out the mother bear in me.

    kt

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  10. First - thank you for following :)

    Second - It's not that quite easy between us two. I have forgiven her what she done (even if she never asked for forgiveness) For me she is still LIKE my best friend. I just don't like that term anymore. I consider her as a really really good friend. But things have changed. After 9th grade she got a boyfriend, and she said it herself that she doesn't need anybody else. Basically she doesn't need friends. Well, she said I'm her closest friend and all, but lets be real. She calls me ONLY when he's not home or when the two of them gets in a fight. But the minute hi appears, she doesn't care about anybody else. So it's kinda hard to keep really good relationships there. But she knows she can trust me and she calls me when she wanna talk or a shoulder to cry on... It's still there...just not like it used to be.

    but thanks for you comments. They actually made me consider all this :)

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  11. Oh love, I do feel for you, growing up isn't easy, we all do things we regret, you say you are still friends with your friend but it isn't the same, build on what you got put the past behind you, it happened and nothing can change that. Mistakes are made so we learn by them, it may be the first mistake you made but it certainly won't be the last. I have made plenty in my lifetime but I wouldn't change my life for anything, .......except for one thing......I have done something which I have no idea what that has upset my son who won't speak or let my grandchildren speak to me. It's the not knowing that hurts, but I have hope, hope for the future , and you my dear have a wonderful future ahead because you care.

    Yvonne.

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  12. Yeah, it's just crazy. Sometimes it's interesting looking back and wondering why people do certain things. I wrote my memoir online, and I got several apology letters. One guys said hat years ago he heard a bunch of people gossiping about me and he didn't say a word in my defense. I guess it's bothered him for 10 years. He said he'd always hoped to be stronger than that. So wild.

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  13. Yvonne "and you my dear have a wonderful future ahead because you care." this sentence is so sweet :):) thanks so much.

    Elisa you're right. I'm sure after few years I also will think about some things I've done and maybe send some apologies but with what I've went through in my short life til now, I hope some people do sent some messages to me after years...

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  14. Hey, kiddo, do you know how to create a button?

    I put up a temporary but you should create your own so other bloggers can click it and go directly to you.

    If you need instructions then just E me at kt4816@att.net

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  15. Duh! I meant to invite you to look at my blog and look at my side bar for my welcome to you.......kt

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  16. That is just so horrible! :( it's amazing you were able to come home safe and sound. not a lot of people are lucky enough to say that.

    and i'll tell you what happened between me and my very best friend that changed my opinion of her forever. We were the perfect friends. We had everything in common ad we had a blast every time we hung out. But then Kevin, my biggest crush, finally asked me to be his girlfried after my softball game and it was the happiest day of my life! Unfortuately my bff had a crush on him too, but I had thought that because we were best friends, she would let it go and just be happy that I finally had a boyfriend. instead she forced me to not go out with him and even threatened to tell my parents that I have a boyfriend. ((she knew that my parents would kill me if I even thought about boys before attending college. yup they're that strict)) so I had no choice but to end it with Kevin but I was so hurt that she would even do that to me.

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  17. I used to have a really close friend but since varsity I don't really have a 'best friend' anymore. I'm still trying to figure out where I should be and with whom I would like to associate with.

    I'm sorry about your friendship. It's always nice having someone (other than family members)whom one can trust. :)

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  18. alright you little monkey. you need to write more. chop chop. Thanks for coming over so much. I love your little face!

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  19. kt thanks for the suggestion and for putting me up in you blog :)

    Jesayka what your friend did I think is more terrible than what mine did...

    Dee I'm sorry about you too. and you're right. it's cool to have someone outside family.

    Melynda you have to be more patient ;DD

    SM thanks :)

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  20. oh...i just dont know what to say.but i definitelty didnt like the way the friend handled the situation... you are very good.i think that s the reason why you were able to reach home very safely:)
    and i agree with what you say.always just be yourself......nothing great than that:)
    tc:)

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  21. Yes, in fact I have lost three of my best friends, that's how I ended up starting my blog because I couldn't talk to anyone about. Although I lost mine in a completely different way to you, at least you still have yours with you weather you don't get along as well as you did or not. Two of mine committed suicide and one got murdered. I have learnt to cope with it now but I still go through really difficult times, plus blogging cheers me up xx

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