Monday, May 1, 2017

P would be for Procrastination.

I could have done the A-Z challenge. Starting with A for Alzheimers (you can check out my last post. Grandma's doing good, we visited her again) and ending with Z for  "Zip it!" which I'm planning for my next post (when I get to it).
However, as the title suggests, I would have never made it in time for the challenge.

My name is Baiba, and I'm a professional procrastinator.


No matter what I have to do, whether it's homework, job, housework or a simple task, such as brushing my teeth or going to bed in time, I will always do everything in the last minute. 
A simple example - I need to submit a translation of an episode due tomorrow. It's 8pm and instead of translating, I'm writing this post. But don't worry, I'll get to it. Occasionally. 

One question always comes to mind - WHY AM I LIKE THIS?! 
I'm pretty sure I've NEVER submitted anything way before the deadline. And for some weird reason I've noticed I work better under pressure. It also means I live in constant stress. Which I shouldn't do to myself, yet here I am. Procrastinating. 24/7. It's like I have this little monster inside me that sleeps all the time and wakes up only when its the last minute of something and I have to gather all my strength and focus for the task. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sloppy with my work. I always do everything well and precise, just under a lot of stress. But somehow it works for me.
We had 4 months to work on our Bachelor thesis. The draft was due April 20. All my friends were posting pictures of them working on it already in February, March... I started writing mine on April 18. I wrote all 46 pages in 2 days. Of course it's not perfect and I still have some improvements to make, however, it is just as good as those who people worked on for months. 

So I'm not really sure whether or not I should do something about this bad "habit" of mine. I know it's awful what I'm doing to myself, however, my whole life it has worked for me.
It's not like I'm proud of it. But I also can't help it. Well... I'm sure I could, just not today.
 Take care,
-B-

P.S. Any fellow procrastinators out there? How do you people do things on time!?!?




Monday, April 10, 2017

F would be for (not) forgotten!

We went to see my grandma yesterday. 
A visit which made me both happy and sad at the same time.

Have you seen "The Notebook"? I'm sure most of you have. A beautiful love story with the gorgeous Ryan Gosling. Makes me cry every time. The movie itself, not Mr. Gosling, of course. 

You might think what do these two have in common? Well...

My grandma has Alzheimer's. And although the setting is very similar to this wonderful, bittersweet movie, the real life is much, much worse. There are no beautiful actors, no perfect sceneries and definitely no scripts that tell you what to do and how to act. There's just reality. And sometimes reality sucks.

When my grandpa died in 2009, grandma stayed alone at their country house. My family visited her as often as we possibly could and helped with housework. I mostly went there for the chats and delicious food. With time passing by, we started noticing some flaws in her memory. However, we never thought it could be that serious. But then she started to forget who we were and came up with some ridiculous stories and we knew something was wrong. So we took her to a doctor to find out she has Alzheimer's. 

From that on it just went downward spiral. She got worse really quick and we had to do something. My uncle took her in and she lived with him for a couple of months, but it was clear pretty soon that she needs to be taken care of 24/7. With all of us working and studying it was impossible.

We then had to do the hardest thing ever... put her in a nursing home. 
We know it was the best decision for her. She is now taken care of at all times, she is fed, clean, warm and amongst people. However, for some reason this felt like the ultimate betrayal. 

I'm an absolute country kid who grew up on my grandparents farm. My grandma has helped raising me and has been a role model for years. I've learned to cook, clean, garden and take care of things mostly just from her. She has given me so much of her time. And now when she needs me the most, I can't be there for her. And it breaks my heart. There is nothing any of us can do. The worst feeling in the world is to feel helpless. Helpless to the ones we love the most. I never really knew heart could actually ache from mental pain. But it can. And it does. I feel like I gave up on her, even though she is better off at the nursing home than she would be living with me. 

The strange thing with Alzheimer's is that only the people around it has to actually deal with it. Although my grandma is the one with the disease, she's having the time of her life. She doesn't recognize us anymore. Well, she does, but only for a short period of time. During our 2h visit she 'came back' to us a couple times. But mostly she lives in her own little world, not knowing what's happening around her, ergo not worrying. And although it breaks my heart, I'm happy for her. Physically she's healthier than a horse. She has friends, she's joined the choire, she's happy and everyone absolutely adores her there. Even with her own little quirks. 

When we arrived, she smiled at me and, as I hugged her, she said "How are you, my sweet granddaughter?" Although she recognized me only for that split second, it was the most beautiful feeling in the world.
I left with tears in my eyes. But oddly enough, they were tears of joy. My heart is not fully at peace and I don't think it will ever be, however, my sweet, loving grandmother is still in there. She hasn't forgotten me. She just can't remember me sometimes. And that's okay.

-B-

Sunday, April 2, 2017

When weird thoughts occur

I'm a dreamer. It's a fact. I like to stay up all night thinking about random scenarios that are most likely never going to happen. Like me, sitting on a porch at my beach house, hugging a baby raccoon and reading Pride and Prejudice as the sun disappears into the horizon.

I'm also one of those "what if" persons, who likes to discuss ridiculous situations. My mind is a strange place, people.

The other day I was driving home with my sister and a song came up that had lyrics "I have so much to give." Out of nowhere, that triggered some weird thoughts and I started talking about kidnapping and robbing situations. Like, you know how in movies (and, most likely, in real life too) people who get attacked always tend to say the same thing (which makes total sense, of course) - "Please don't, I have a family. I have kids." Etc. So then I started thinking - what would I say in such situations?
"Please, don't... I left the oven on!"
or
"Please, no... I have a dog at home."
or
"I live alone! No one's gonna know for days!"

Safe to say these are completely dumb and random thoughts. But I always tend to say what's on this weird mind of mine. I can't help it. And then I get those strange, concerned glances from my family, like "Are you okay?"

Or they just laugh with me 'cause I'm a goofball. Either way, there's no limits to where my mind will wander next.

What about you? Any dreamers, "what ifs" or strange thinkers out there?
Please, tell me I'm not alone in this...

Take care,
-B-


Sunday, March 26, 2017

Let's do it right this time

A year and a half ago I wrote my last post. A year and a half. That's such a long time! 

I wish I could tell you some super cool, important story to why I was absent for so long, like, going on a journey of self-discovery or working really hard on graduating university, or being abducted by aliens...

Unfortunately, it's none of those. (The aliens would have brought me back sooner, I'm pretty sure of that). I've just been lazy. That's right. I could say university and work have taken a lot of my time. And they have. However, if I really wanted to continue writing, I would have found time for it no matter what. 

I guess I've been feeling kind of empty for quite a while now. If I ever got in the mood to write something, it either didn't seem good enough or I got distracted along the way. But now I feel like I need to do it (despite the fact that my sister's dog is literally laying on my head right now and his butt is in my face). I've always been better at expressing my thoughts on paper (or in this case - on screen) rather than saying them out loud. So I'm gonna do my best and try to keep this up, since it actually is something I enjoy, and I have a lot of questions and things on my mind. So let's do it right this time, with no dramatic breaks and lame excuses.

So what has happened since my last post? A lot, I guess.

(First of all, the dog took my sock off and ran away, leaving me sock-less in this cold, cruel world.)
My sister moved back home so I had to drive Latvia-Germany-Latvia again last summer. 
I moved to another city to work for my internship at the city hall. I was a translator at the Foreign Relations Department.
I also got a job at "SDI Media Latvia" which is the main company that translates TV shows, movies etc.
As for now I'm a freelance translator and I have the final 3 months of university left until I get my bachelor's degree. (I hope I get it). 

So what's next, you might ask?
If only I knew. 
With school coming to an end, I keep thinking about what to do with my life and what is it that I want. As much as I hate to admit it (simply because I'm scared of it), I'm in need of some change. That's one of the reasons why I started writing again. My blog needed a makeover too. Why the blog title? Well, mostly because I'm the kind of person who spends 30 minutes meowing back and forth with my cat. If that doesn't say 'weirdo', bare with me as I try to prove the adequacy of it.

In the meantime, I hope you're all doing great. I'm gonna try to catch up with your blogs to see what you've all been up to.

Till next time.
Take care.
-B-