I have a habit of caring too much!

First, some good news -->

I posted some time ago that I wanted to get into a different university for Translation program. Guess what? I GOT ACCEPTED! And not only that - I got into Budget group again, which means - free studies! This is because I'm a Nerd, as Haritha said, lol. My grades are really good and that is one thing that's appreciated in universities here. I'm excited. And scared. But mostly excited. :) So in 4 years I'll have my Bachelor's degree in Translation. [Hopefully]. I don't like the 4 year thing, but that's what it is in Latvia...

Now, on to the story...

My kindness has no limits and it scares me sometimes cause it might just get me into trouble someday. I care too much for everything and everyone on this planet. For example, if I see a dead dog, bird or even a frog on the road I will feel bad for the whole day. Or even if I see an alive animal all alone on the street - I will feel sorry for it. This has happened a lot. And I can't help it. Just like I can't help the feeling I get when I see old people walking alone with huge grocery bags. It breaks my heart to drive by them in my car when they have to walk. I always want to just stop and ask if I can help them. Of course I never do, cause I'm too shy. That was 'til today.

I was just coming home from work when I saw this old lady who was walking with a walker. She was small, her back was bent and she was walking really slow. I felt so bad for her that I decided to actually do what I always want to do when I see someone like that. So I stopped and said: "Good day. Can I give you a ride?"

She came closer and said: "Oh, no, thank you. No need to bother that much." And just when I was about to close the window, she started telling me all about her life, family, childhood etc. So half an hour later I found myself listening to stories about her younger days and how she has traveled a lot. She even spent some time in Armenia together with some -soon to be- Astronauts. And how she was deported to Siberia when she was 10 and got back when she was 16. And now she wants to get insurance for her house etc...

There I was, in the middle of the street, listening to her stories. When all I asked was if she wanted a ride. It was quite funny and interesting at the same time. And sad a bit too. Because I think some old folks have no-one to talk to and they are happy to tell everything to the first person who is ready to listen. 

Lucky for her, I'm always ready to listen. Besides - I'm too nice to not to listen, anyway. 

This was one strange day for me. But on the bright side - I did overcome my shyness and finally just stopped to offer my help. :)

Take care,

-B- 

 

In search of the meaning of...dreams!

Since the day I decided I wanted to study translation, I've been obsessed with it. But now I've taken it to a whole different level. I started translating my DREAMS.

I know it might sound strange, but trust me - I'm the queen of weird dreams! Here are some reasons why:

*I can remember 99% of my dreams;
*I have 2 dreams which I see repeatedly, every year;
*There are 4 things which usually dominate in my dreams  ( My grandmother's house, Snakes, Bears, Catastrophes/Death (usually mine or my grandma's)).

Pretty weird, huh? And that's why they usually get me intrigued. Which is why I wanted to know their meaning.

I could figure on my own why I see my grandma's house all the time. It's simply because I worry about her and she's on my mind. Also Bears don't freak me out but I do not like snakes and I'm definitely not so keen on catastrophes and death, which I do see often. But they look quite interesting and even cool sometimes, lol.

To answer my questions and clear my doubts, I've spent quite some time on websites with dream translations. And this is what I found:

Bears:
- To see a bear in your dream represents independence, strength, death and renewal, and/or resurrection. Bears are symbols of the cycle of life. You may also be undergoing a period of introspection and thinking. 

*In particular, if you see a bear in your grandmother's house [which have always been the cases with bears], then it implies that your grandmother is a dominating figure in your life. 

Okay, I've always liked bears. Now that I've read the description, I don't mind seeing them in my dreams :) 

Snakes:
-To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you. Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced. The snake may also refer to a person around you who is callous, ruthless, and can't be trusted. As a positive symbol, snakes represent healing, transformation, knowledge and wisdom. It is indicative of self-renewal and positive change.

Hmm. I'm not sure which meaning to trust when it comes to snakes - the positive or the negative one. All I know is that I still don't like snakes and each time they appear in my dream it becomes something insane and ridiculous. [For example, one time I was trying to save a snake from the bad guys and Ninja turtles were helping me. What the hell? And that's just one example of how insanely weird my dreams are].

Now comes the part that I do not like the most about my dreams.

Death / Catastrophes

They wouldn't bother me so much If I didn't see them as often as I do! And the weirdest part is that when someone dies or when something terrible happens, it usually happens to me, my grandma or the world (while I'm at my grandma's house - further called - The house).

Some examples:

*I was at The house when a War started. I was hiding inside and all I heard was that my grandma went outside to defend us and she got shot.

* I got kidnapped while I was at The house.

* Me and my friends were at The house, when suddenly a lava started to flow from the woods. We all climbed on trees and then a giant wave came from the woods and went over our heads. When it was over, I went to look around and found my grandma dead, frozen  next to the pound.

*I once drank water from the well near The house and when I got home, I was sitting with my family in my room and suddenly my voice got more and more quiet and in the end I couldn't speak or breath so I just died. 

*There was a comet coming directly towards the Planet Earth. Everyone could see it but no-one could stop it. So I just stood and waited for it to reach me. It did and everybody died. But then I woke up with my sister at The house and we were little and in different bodies, like if we were re-born. 

*But I have also dreamed about the death of my sister, my mom and other relatives.

And many many more and even weirder dreams like that. Pretty freaky, if you ask me.

So here are some of the meanings of these things:
- To dream about the death of a loved one suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this person special or what you like about them.

To dream that you die in your dream symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or your life. You are undergoing a transitional phase and are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something. 

To experience a catastrophe in your dream represents sudden instability and upheaval in your walking life. You are feeling extremely anxious about the unknown changes that are in store for you.


How can something so terrible, as death, mean something positive? even if it does, I do not like dreaming about me or others dying. I wish I could do something about it.

Well, these are just the most weirdest things about my dreams. There have been few with numbers. I once had a dream where somehow everything was about number 12. It was the most important thing and it was dominating throughout the whole dream. I've also had a dream (in a terrible time of my life) when my dead grandpa put his hand on mine and said: "Don't worry, everything's going to be ok." That was sweet, but still - odd, because he knew what was going on with me.

Do you believe in those dream translations? Or do you think it's just a bunch of crap? And please tell me you also have strange dreams, otherwise I'll feel like a complete weirdo.

Take care,

-B-  

 

I'm back! ...kinda...

There is nothing more dangerous to my mind than having too much of free time. Being home alone all the time with no job and nothing to do is driving me crazy and I start to doubt myself and the whole universe.

I quit university. That program was way too easy for me  and when I caught myself correcting my English professor, that was when I realized I needed something different. Something more challenging than this. 

I got accepted to Coventry University. But due to several circumstances I won't be going there. Instead I will try to apply for another university in Latvia for Translation program. 

I would much rather do nothing at all but still get paid, lol. But I want to be successful in life so I really have no other choice than studying. Now I'd like to say that everything sucks, since I didn't get a summer job and I'm surrounded by some shady and mega-arrogant people. But then I would sound like a whiny little creature. And I don't want to be that. I just have too much free time and with that comes really bad and doubtful thoughts about me, my future, the world in general and everything around me. But I'm not saying I'm bored. I shall never be bored, since my mind itself is a crazy place. I'm filling my time by reading books, learning German and getting on my cat and dog's nerves. 

                   [Now you know How! :D ]

I also miss blogging. A lot! But for the last couple of months I found myself completely unable to write even a sentence. My life is just too boring to write about it, lol. ;D

But there have been several happy events since my last post. I'm officially 20! It feels great to say it, cause 19 still counts as a teen. But 20 is a young adult :D 

I celebrated in Lithuania. Me and my sister went on a mini trip and saw some beautiful places [I will put some pictures at the end of this post]. I also passed all my exams and finished first year with great grades. Plus, I attended an extra course of Intercultural Communication which was led by a guest-professor from USA. That was interesting and I enjoyed learning in English. Since I enjoy English more than Latvian. I can't even remember when I last read a book in Latvian, lol. Anyway, the professor will be in Latvia again in July, and we already arranged a meeting to catch up with each other.


So for now I have nothing else to do but just hope to get accepted into university, read and relax. And I should really try to have some adventures during summer, otherwise I'll go nuts! I'll figure something out, so I have some stories to tell :)

That is all, for now.

Take care, everybody :)

-B-

[Cross Mountain]

 

[there are MORE than 100 000 crosses. No one knows how many exactly are there because, come on, who can count? And there are new ones added every day]

[Tulip field]

 

Boiling blood and big decisions...

I'm usually one of those people who can almost accept anything. Whether it's a situation, a fact or a person. But to my surprise, there is also a limit for me. 

Five months ago I started my first year at university. Many different thoughts went through my mind. I didn't know what to expect. But then somehow everything settled for me. I got in, first of all, my sister did as well, we got this amazing apartment and we don't have to pay rent... it seemed almost perfect... 

I thought university is the place where grown up people go. You know...the kind who is interested in many things, open-minded, fascinated by what the world has for them. Turns out that's just me and my sister. The rest of my classmates are just bunch of idiots who don't care about anything else besides drinking. They aren't interested in anything, so my question remains WHY ON EARTH ARE THEY STUDYING TOURISM? cause I can't understand it. They don't want to travel, they know nothing about the world  and they don't want to know. If you think I'm exaggerating, let me tell you a little back-story... [I'll make it short, I promise]

We were going on a field trip to a Tourism exhibition, and one guy from my group got really drunk at 9 am. Then he started saying some nice things to one girl "Hey, wanna suck my dick?" "We will totally have sex" etc.

Plus he stank like hell! So me and my sister got out of the bus halfway and I called my friend and we continued our trip with her....

And if you think THAT'S JUST ONE GUY. then the rest of them is like this - WHAT IS THE LOUVRE? hope you got my point :)

________

I'm not used to being around stupid people...Who panic when the English teacher tells them to read a book. A BOOK? WHAT'S THAT?

So all these five months I've been telling myself IT'S NOT SO BAD...but the truth is - it is so bad! Today I got in such funk, I still haven't snapped out of it. I couldn't talk to anyone and honestly, I just want to escape! For the first time in my life, I was crying because I want to leave but I can't! Yet...


I usually don't regret things. I believe that if something made you happy at least for a moment, you should never regret it. But I really regret applying for this university. I regret coming here. Because there has never been a moment when I've felt happy in that building. I all five months. Not a single one moment of joy.

But, as I sit here, crying and cursing everything ;D I still try to see something good in everything. 
In January I applied to Coventry University, UK. In the beginning, I was super scared of the thought of moving away etc. But now I feel that every idiotic thing that happens here, is an incentive for me to go away. The more unhappy I am here, the more I want to leave...

So now I just have to get out of this terrible mood of mine and start being happy again. Thankfully I have some great books to help me do that :) I should make a list so I can keep an order ;D
For now it's
*Fifty shades of grey
*Pride and prejudice
*Jane Eyre
...

If you have any suggestions - go ahead. I could read books all day :) 

now to end this terribly sad post, I can tell that thankfully I have some great friends who I can do weird, spontaneous stuff with. Like driving to the sea at midnight in a blizzard :) 

Take care, everyone :)

-B-  

P.S. I'm heading to all your amazing blogs right now. I know I've missed some great stuff :)

Be grateful...

Why is it that people turn extra good, nice and polite only during Christmas time? And I'm not saying this only about others. It's the same for me. Well, I try to be nice and polite all the time  but around Christmas those qualities get more popular among people. And only when the air is filled with snowflakes, love, Christmas spirit and the smell of gingerbread, people start to appreciate what they have.

My mom is the best example for all this.

Every year around Christmas time there are few charity events in Latvia and one is a really special one. Before the main ceremony there are urns in every store for people to donate money for disabled children. There are 10 special kids who are chosen and the main goal is to gather money for them. But then they also tell the real amount of money that would be necessary to help all the disabled children in Latvia. And every year people actually donate enough money to help everyone.

Me and my mom, we always donate to this charity. And when we watch the main ceremony, my mom always says: "Looking and these kids make me realize how much we actually have. And it's not about the money. We have our health!" and that just makes me so mad, because my mom is a pessimist. She always complains about everything and nothing is ever good enough. And only looking at these kids she realize that her life is not so bad after all.


However, few days later I was angry with myself for doing something similar.

on December 26 there is an event called "pride of Latvia". It is an event where few people get an award for something they've done this year. And it is not for famous people. I'll tell you a bit about the winners and their nominees so you understand it.

1.- The rescuer - A young woman got this award  because she saved a drowning boy from a pound.


2.- The teacher - A 90 year old teacher got this award for inspiring kids and teaching them to play checkers. He's still active and a really good teacher because one of his students got 6th place in Worlds Championship.

3.- The countryman - a businessman got this award. He grew up in a small region and when he went to university in the big city, the rich city boys made fun of him because he was from the countryside. However, now he's a successful businessman and every year he donates money to his districts school. He buys clothes, glasses and other things for the kids. I think it is super nice.

4.- Guardian angels - 10 men got this award for saving 2 Estonian rally pilots. When their car flipped into the water, these men automatically reacted and saved their lives. 


These are just few of the nominees. I think all these people are amazing. So why was I angry with myself? Because I always say that Latvians are rude, impolite and simply a gray nation. However, watching this ceremony I had tears in my eyes and I was proud that Latvia has such brave and amazing people.


My point in all of this is - people, please be grateful for everything you have!!! Don't wait til Christmas to feel warm inside. Think of what you have and smile! Stop complaining about everything! Be happy with who you are and what you have! :)

There are a lot of things I complain about all the time. But I alsto have a lot to be grateful for. I have an amazing family, friends people who care about me and people who I care about. I have reasons to smile and be happy. And that is what matters the most :)

Happy New Year, everybody :)

-B-   

 

A sweet escape

I got out of my funk that I've been in for the last couple of weeks. And all it took was a little weekend getaway.

Since it was my sisters and friends birthdays we decided to go to Tallinn again. I love that city. I challenged my memory and it turns out it doesn't suck as mush as I thought it did ;D I actually remembered some places and things from the last time. And we even got everywhere we needed by a bus! which is surprising cause you cannot trust me with these kind of things ;D

Anyway, the weekend was perfect. We used CouchSurfing for accommodation again, only this time it didn't feel like CS. For me it was simply staying at friends house :) Nice talks and couple of drinks at night was just what we needed. Except for Milli Malika. That drink I didn't need at all nor will I ever need it! :D But I'm glad I tried it. Every experience is an experience ;D


I also really enjoyed watching Evelins presentation about her Bucket list. I think it's amazing when you know what you want and you do everything to reach your goals and dreams. So, Evelin, if you're reading this - I will steal a part of your idea! ;D I also want to make such a list so that I have something to reach for. I think this list is what keeps you motivated and that is why I want to try it too. I hope you don't mind. :)  A few things on that list will be similar to yours like countries to visit etc. but the others will include raccoons so they will be completely different ;D


Even if I spent only 24 hours in Tallinn, being there really made me happy and relaxed and for this short period of time I completely forgot about all the problems and stress and just had fun! And it made me realize that life truly can be full of fun and surprises if you let yourself enjoy it :)

And I also wanted to wish you all a little belated Happy Thanksgiving :) 

Have a wonderful day, everyone :)

-B-

P.S.-I also promise to catch up with all your amazing blogs. I just haven't had the time to write or read any. :)

[ Milli Malika ]

And some pictures from Tallinn

I need help! All heroes please apply.

I've been in a funk lately and it's quite hard for me to get out. 

As much as I'm trying to stay positive, there is so much shit going on and I can't take it anymore.
There is no more idiotic education system in the whole world like in Latvia. And now, due to a reform in the system, I will probably have to figure out what to do next year, cause my program will probably be shut down. I get that some changes are needed, but why is it needed to mess up everything for those, who have already started something? 

I'm devastated right now, cause if this happens, what the hell am I going to do? I'll have waisted a YEAR of my life. For nothing. And the thought of that just makes me angry. 

I know that everything can still change, cause it's not the final word. But yet, I see no hope in all this and the stress is killing me. I can only be positive for this long. And it scares me to be this grey person. Cause I don't want to be like this. But I can't seem to snap out of it... I seriously need a friendly help. All heroes please apply!

-B-