Sunday, July 24, 2011

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost

Nothing much happened last week. Except we (Latvia) fired the government! ;D and since I'm 18, and I'm legally able to vote, I did so! I hope something changes after this.

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I had forgotten how relaxing it was to spend holidays at the country side. The fresh air, fields for running with dogs ;D (or running away from dogs ;D ) It was so awesome and I feel totally relaxed. 
I put up an apple fight with my dad (don't worry, we were only throwing the bad apples) and after half an hour with few bruises and hurting fingers we called it a tie.

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Yesterday I came to conclusion... 

Before yesterday, my feelings about my grandma (who lives at the country side) were kinda...mixed. Last two years haven't been so pleasant. Since my grandpa passed away, she has been acting annoying and it came to the point were I didn't want to visit her anymore... She was always picking favorites between us - grandchildren and even the families. No matter what we did for her, we were never good enough as the others. (Even if the others did NOTHING to help her) Plus my grandma was always telling the same every time we visited her. She was asking some  unnecessary questions and talking about annoying things... And she was always talking about how it would be better if she just died. (that was what made me mad the most)

Anyway, before yesterday, I actually had stopped feeling sorry for her...I was kinda angry and I didn't feel the love between us anymore... but then something happened...

I took her to the cemetery to put flowers on my grandpas grave, and she fainted. it was the third time in past three weeks. She fell on her arms and bruised her head against the memorial. 

I have never been more scared in my entire life! I rushed to her, helped her get up and walked her to the bench. She was laughing and saying: "I'm ok..." but you can't even imagine how bad I felt. My heart skipped a beat and I almost fainted next to her...


And it was that moment, that changed everything. Every annoying, hurtful and disappointing thought I had about her just disappeared in that exact moment. No more I felt hurt that she picked favorites between her grandchildren, or that she was acting annoying for two years... Nothing of that matters to me now... At that moment I was so scared, my love for her appeared again, and the only thought I had was how much I love her and that I don't wanna loose her.

I'm glad she's ok. But I'm angry with myself. 

Why does it takes for something bad to happen, till we find lost love in ourselves?

-B- 

8 comments:

  1. It's like they say, "you don't know what you have until you've lost it."
    And my grandma also has her favourites. I'm not one of 'em. But that's OK. I don't see her often so it doesn't really bother me.

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  2. Darlin girl. What a treasure you are. My mom is the same way your grandma is. I think they are lonely and miss their loved ones that have left.At 18 you may not understand why they act the way they do. Understand that they are hurting and are striking out because of it. Like a dog that has been run over. You just want to help it but every time you reach for it it bites your hand. If you remember that she will be easier to deal with.
    BTW my post for today is now up. For some reason Blogger didn't post it at 5 like it was supposed to grrrr. So you read yesterday's sorry

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  3. We grandmothers are strange I think to the younger generation but many of us(me included) feel younger than our years, When I lost my husband I was devastated I had only just lost my mother, but with time and acceptance have learned to live again. I pray it don't take an accident before my son starts to speak to me again, but that is another acceptance I have had to adjust to. you see being a grandmother we have a wealth of experience behind us that only living a life can give us. I am pleased you feel different now about your grandmother
    Take care and have fun.
    Yvonne.

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  4. At a certain age some people change and their actions are not always rational. Extreme stress (like with the loss of a husband) can trigger all sorts of things. Sounds to me like she is depressed.

    One of the things we have to do is to forgive our loved ones for getting old.
    I know that sounds weird, but with age comes all kinds of changes which are not always acceptable to others.

    This is when the younger generation is supposed to learn how to accept, overlook, forgive, and really learn (and practice) the meaning of love. kt

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  5. true post baiba!i completely agree with you.
    it is when we lose something that we realize the value of it....
    and when we lose we regret.

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  6. your comment cracked me up. No pun intended. lol I better not catch you or Haritha doing those annoying things. I will give both you girls a stern lecture.. lol

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